Demon Days [entries|friends|calendar] danthetrooper [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Wii!!!! [05 Oct 2006|03:55pm] lol i own the System Formally Known As The Revolution! just got to wait until the 19th... Nintendo Shall Inherit The Earth!!! 2 comments|post comment

Snakes on a Plane! [23 Aug 2006|10:28am] [ music | Cobra Starship - Snakes On A Plane (Bring It) ] THATS IT I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE! lol god damn i love that movie... post comment

[16 Aug 2006|10:01am] [ music | Either/Or(CD) - Elliott Smith ] what happens when you hit the top? its simple... since you hit the peak the only other choice is to go down... sure you can stay at the peak and see all the beauty in the world.... thats when you figure out that the only way is down now... you can either jump and plumate down and crash land and thats that... back to the bottom and its over... your crushed... you take time to rehibilitate and then its back to that desperate climb again... the other choice is the slow climb down... lower and lower... into the darkness below... you get hit and smacked with every little thing on the way down... when you get to the bottom you are all battered and broken and all you can do is look up and see everything you worked so hard for and how its gone... all you have left is the memory... i think that sums up where abouts i am heading right now... 1 comment|post comment

[11 Jul 2006|12:09am] godless nights... that is what is sitting in my mind right now... tired out and not sure what to do... lost in what i can and can not do... i really need a job but where... i doubt anyone is hiring now nor will they even hire me... i am gonna go try out at walmart and probably even get rejected there but hey thats life for me... i'll find a place... i hope. post comment

speedway junkies [09 Jul 2006|03:02pm] when the darkness fills your soul and you notice you are all alone that is when life truely flies no death, no suicide just a lot of broken pride just thought and empty space constantly making it a race calling on you to pick up that sudden pace speedway junkie and a break down side of the highway nights stars act as broken lights live a life with shut eyes feelings and risks with clenched fists anxiety and panic rush through the vains dont be scared life guides you on its way no death, no suicide just a lot of broken pride another reason to know you lied knowing its best not to confide speedway junkie and a break down side of the highway nights stars act as broken lights city lights blacken the night sky hidden stars forgotten in light devils dancing on the streets demons laughing to the beat no death, no suicide just a lot of broken pride a blur, a haze leave us all in a daze speedway junkie and a break down side of the highway nights stars act as broken lights post comment

The Gondola Man [21 Jun 2006|02:55pm] [ music | Happiness - Elliott Smith ] what i used to be will pass away and then you'll see that all i want now is happiness for you and me.... what i used to be will pass away and then you'll see that all i want now is happiness for you and me... my knee is killing me today... blarg... its all bruised up... but thats what ya get when you collide knees with someone else... going away this weekend to a cottage with my girlfriend... our first little vacation together should be nice... woot woot... forsaken is what i have become... raised from the dead and free from the king... i raise my blade silent like the night... with that i strike you down... with fear in your eyes you hear my scream.... SHANKED i say and you fall down! post comment

[20 Jun 2006|10:35pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Color Bars - Elliott Smith ] so very close to my graduation ceremony... wont it be grand?? all i need now is a job and thats it... work work work... then some more school school school... then become one of the boys in the blue... who would have thought i'd become a cop??? lol... i always have kinda wanted to be one but i guess now i have more drive to be one... all i really want is some money so i can do more things with my lovely lovely lady... i want to take her places and stuff but right now i have nothing going for me... i need a job... it is getting bothersome to myself that i dont have one... i want one i hate having nothing to do day by day i feel so empty... atleast i still have my music to keep me company... tonight was quite grand in ju jitsu though muhahahaha... i won all three of my fights... first match... Alexi... strong strong man he is but i pulled off a badass armbar and made him tap... second match some kid named Sahill... pulled off another badass armbar made him tap... third match was kind of robbed from me but i would have won it regardless... went against a black belt... now i remind you in grapple fights in ju jitsu you dont strike... well i was fighting one of the head instructors and since i got my "badass" armbar going on him also and almost won the match he kneed me in the side 3 times which disqualified him from the fight... so i won it! muhahaha i would have soooo owned him anyways... i pulled a hattrick! three armbars in one night... post comment

just another day... [18 Jun 2006|05:50pm] [ mood | melancholy ] [ music | Easy Way Out - Elliott Smith ] to me its just another day... a little depressed right now? hmmm yes i would like to think so.... but thats how life goes isnt it???? up one day down another... Kid You're On The Right Track... sit around, burst out in a frown... just another day... listen to the music it sooths the savage beast... the ever growing rage inside me... the urge just to take more and more martial art type classes just so i can release all the anger and frustration in me and push my body to its max so it can just shut down again and be at peace... i want to take part in an MMA fight i want to feel pain and give it out... i want peace... Its All About Taking The Easy Way Out For You I Suppose.... sit down, think abound.... to me its just another day. 1 comment|post comment

Worthy or Unworthy?.... [07 Jun 2006|12:23pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | The Sound Of Silence - Simon and Garfunkle ] for a person who has been a total asshole... a person whom disregarded everyone and everything around him.... does he really deserve to stand up with the rest of those who actually made something of themselves?... does a dumb little epiphony and change of ways in the end really dub the person worthy? or should they just sit outside in the cold and rain where they belong for their former actions? what does a person have to do before they can redeem themselves for their actions?... can it really be done or is the person doomed to fall back into their past because of the urge of something that is just comfortable... 1 comment|post comment

need i say any more? [28 Apr 2006|07:18pm] post comment

[17 Jan 2006|12:54am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Good To Go - Elliott Smith ] depression is much like an entity that sits dormant until it notices weakness and slowly consumes you digging its claws deep into your soul sucking out all the life and replacing it with a feeling of pain... pain that comes in many forms... you feel your body grow stiff and the joints ache... headaches slowly forms... your eyes dry out and seeing becomes a blur... then the emotional pain begins setting in more... you feel lethargic and everything slows down around you... all i can hear is the music... it speaks to me and i understand it... such beautiful music.... 8 comments|post comment

heh my horrible adventure [23 Nov 2005|01:47pm] well i woke up with chest pressure at about 3 in the morning... walked over to the washroom and began to vomit... oh great it was traced with blood... jolly me... so i rush over to the hospital to see if i am alright... i get blood taken... I HATE NEEDLES... but anyone who knows me knows my fear of needles and the such... they give me three pills... well they dope me up get me all stoned and such which i still feel now because of the lack of blood and the pills and all... and they do chest x-rays on me to see if my lungs are shot... well i am alright for the good news and happy about that... they are still puzzled on what caused all that and so am i... got to go to the doctors tomorrow like they told me too... and if it happens again i got to go through all that all over again... joy for me and my shitty body which is falling apart! post comment

a simple sigh [06 Nov 2005|11:56pm] [ mood | stressed ] [ music | I Can't Be With You - The Cranberries ] my head is swimming... my mind is flooded... my limbs are in shallow water... and i inhale water into my lungs... i sit and forget... i live and i lie... i beg and i steal... gone yesterday... here tomorrow... i follow and break... a plague to hearts and a threat to soul... a heavy E... followed by a solid G... a broken C... finished with a finely tuned A... strum along for its all that left of this fucked up life... die in daylight... live at night... a solo of karma... mixed with a rythm of hate... anger, loss, broken down, strewn around... end it now... forever be... i am my own... last casualty... hate me now... live this fight... let out this simple sigh... end, end, end, end... dark. 1 comment|post comment

Say Hello [22 Oct 2005|01:14am] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Apparitions (Acoustic) - Matthew Good ] sit at the computer screen and think... ponder for a moment... maybe even moments... wonder about life and its ups and downs... then look around you... all around you... life is what it is... it isnt amazing... it isnt bad either... just sit and think... think of everything that you love... everything that you hate... everything that is anything... everything right now feels numb in a good way... well if numbness can be felt in a good way... a lack of emotions either way... a real sense of clearness... to think of both sides and not lean either way... for a mind to wander into the deep deep depths of the concious and unconcious world... to escape... to a different place... kickstart thoughts left in the past... remember... all thats happened... reflect... why did it happen... what caused it to become what it did... who am i now because of it... dont stay in the past.... just remember it... you never know when it may be needed again in the future... post comment

gotta new hat! [02 Oct 2005|01:17am] got a new hat got a new hat and it rocks... got a new hat and it roxorz your soxorz yo! post comment

Guns of the Patriots [18 Sep 2005|11:33pm] Hideo Kojima is a God... no one can create a better game... he has outdone himself yet again... Metal Gear Solid IV... amazing trailer... this game will be the best thing to happen to PS3 by far... Snake is the king of video games... PWNAGE! post comment

today we live tomorrow we die [04 Sep 2005|10:29pm] a good and a bye every day we slowly die filled with fright we are a blight destroying all around us full of putrid lust breaking blind painful poison heart a little bit of a headache right now... tomorrow is last day of freedom joy... i shall have fun with it... post comment

falling apart... [03 Sep 2005|11:59pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie ] well i am falling apart again... hair falling out... spitting up blood... constantly feeling sick... heh great... i'm dieing again... anxiety is killing me again... and all for what? huh... what?? meh i think its time to take up drinking as a good hobby so when i am not in school working hard i can drink and get away from life and not be dieing like this... kill the anxiety... joy... post comment

[03 Sep 2005|01:27am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab for Cutie ] i sit here listening to this depressing yet very romantic song... its funny how ignorant i have been about myself and this summer made me realize how fucking dumb i have been acting and just how much i have fucked up in my life... going to be 20 in the new year and what have i to show for it? i dont have my highschool diploma, i dont have actual plans for life... just been trying to play it by ear and it made me realize that i have fucked up sooo very much by doing so... i am not deserving of the chance i am getting to be in ASE this semester but it will be my last... my last semester of highschool and me growing up and getting on with my life... my broken dream of ever being a writer is stupid... journalist in the future i think not... english teacher doubt it... reality... working at a desk doing the same shit job that the rest of this nation does from 9-5... have to go a semester in school where no one respects me and i know it... not wanted to be there and i know it... i cant fuck around... i will do my work... get it done and get out... the only thing i cant see me doing is living around this hate on a daily basis... my anxiety will come back... i made it another birchmount... i made it my demise... i have to go back to birchmount and collect my 40 hours too... if i dont i wont get my highschool diploma.... i think the scariest thing of this all to me is that i have finally realized how much i am like my father... how many traits we share... how i am him... everyday more and more like the man who i never wanted to be... share the same genetics share the same fate... some people, well some friends, think i am a great guy... i'm not... not at all... ASE made me discover that... i'm an asshole... i'm a prick... i'm a worthless sack of shit just taking up space and air on this planet... i am a blemish on society that doesnt put out at all... i only consume... i provide nothing to those around me... why do i exist? i have failed as a human being... that stupid thought of just end it... end it now... but now i cant... then the hope everyday that someone else will end it... every night for the past 3 months the thought of a stray bullet from a gun shot hitting me while i lay there.... killing me... end it all... end it now... be far to easy... and yet prove how selfish i really am... hurt everyone that actually cares about me and has hope for me... then on top of that the hidden truth of the total ending of thought process... and not existing in myself anymore... i may suffer from extreame cases of anxiety but it makes me think i would pull the trigger if i had one... has to be instant... dont want the last moments in pain... everyday it just seems harder to drag myself out of bed now and live... it becomes harder to leave this room... to actually get myself to put effort into anything anymore... i am a very sad human being, i doubt i can even classify myself as one now anyways... i hate myself... i hate myself so very much... i cant even cry... i am dead inside... dead... why cant i be dead... why do i feel hardly anything anymore... i get angry to easilly... get depressed constantly... i just cant be happy... if i am its for split moments that quickly die as my brain kills the feeling... school... anxiety... just got to finish and then i am done... life is done after that... it just all goes downhill from there... a loser without and future... a loser that will be left without home, love, or family...and i have caused that all on myself just because i have been trying to be a kid too long... not giving a fuck about anyone but me... but now i end this little spoken words of mine and i will go lay down... and again hope for the stray bullet... which wont come... roll to my side and fall asleep wake up and be one day closer to the hell i shall endure for 5 months... 1 comment|post comment

if heaven and hell both decide... [31 Aug 2005|09:58am] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab for Cutie ] what to say what to say... got a new cd yesterday... i like it... listening to it right now actually... talking to mel right now and just thinking... in my what if mood right now... it makes you think if you could go back and change one thing in your life would you really want to? yes you would not be the same person you are now... but... you wouldnt have any of the stuff you have today... maybe you'd have some... follow a slightly similiar path... but no it would not be the same... every second of every day shall be altered... all the good memories gone... just to replace the bad... is it really worth it in the long run? i often actually sit and think and notice the big mistakes in my life... want to change them... but in the long run it always comes back to why bother... i am who i am for a reason... every last bit thats changed me that little makes me somewhat content... why go back and change something and keep that little bit of ignorance around... its better that i know and know how to react to everything that can come from that... life has its twists and turns and i am loving this rollar coaster each step of the ride... even though i may have horrible anxiety get depressed often... its still in the long run a fun time... 1 comment|post comment

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